GENERALby Heath

1/14/2026, 3:34:31 PM

Prayer 0114

Lord, I just love you. Thank you for your continual grace. Thank you for your love that was so evident at Calvary. I thank you that even though I did not rest well last night, that my thoughts were still productive and inspiring. I yield to you afresh today. I ask you to bless my family, my church, my workplace. Bless us with your very presence. Help us to see you in all things. Help me to avoid distractions and seek to hear your voice and be obedient to what you say. I love how faithful you are. You have never failed. I have felt really loved recently, and I wondered if you give me times to feel your love and times to simply believe it. I know you do not withhold your love at all from me, so regardless of feeling, it is there. I am your son forever and nothing can or will change that fact. Thank you for my boys - they help me so much to see how you love me. They really do. Can you help me love them like you love me? Thank you for my wife - she continually blesses me and has such a pure heart. I ask your favor be upon her in every area of her life. Help me love her better. Thank you for my church - it grounds me in your presence. I am so thankful that I have a place where I can go and actually sense your presence. I wonder how many don't. I just wonder too why for so long I never felt your presence. Can you make me more sensitive to your leadings and to your very presence? I want to seek that all of my days. Help me also Father to build the dreams and visions you have given me. Help me be a good employee also - not simply wasting the time that they give me on myself but using it for their good. Bless my automation department Lord. Will you grow us? Will you help me to be a good manager? will you give me wisdom and understanding along with creativity so that I can help my guys in their lives? Watch over them and keep them safe as they labor to earn a living. Lord, I bless my friends too. I thank you for Abe, for Ben, for Bus, for Stace, for Chris, for Kamble, for Carter, for Kaitlynn, for Hannah, for Tya, for David, for Gabe and Greg, for Dom, for all of those others that are left to be mentioned. Lord, you have given me so many kind people in my life. Real people. Real good people. And I thank you for them. Keep them in your love and fill their lives with peace, with provision, with prosperity, with grace for others, with joy. I love you Jesus. Thank you for never changing. Thanks for being a really good brother and friend. Thank you for your gift of the Holy Spirit. I bless your name and seek to do your will today.

GENERALby Heath

1/12/2026, 5:25:25 PM

Prayer 0112

Lord, would You soften my heart to hear you. I don't want to just do Your will simply because it is right. I want to do Your will from a place of love for You. I can sense that there is a portion of my heart that does not want to submit to You. I don't know why it is there honestly. Maybe from a mixture of past pain, pride, and laziness - I am not sure. You know though. I don't want a hard heart. I know Your ways are better than mine. Better in every way. But still, I am hard hearted towards You - the one who has given me so much. I guess I am asking You to remind me of Your goodness. Remind me of how much You love me so that I can remember why I am following after You. Remind me of your grace and mercy and why it is that You actually do love me. Remind me of the cross of Christ and how much He poured out. I think there is some doubt in my heart too. I doubt that You would use me in the same way that You used Jesus. I seem to keep forgetting about how clean I am in You. Even the word 'used' somehow doesn't seem right. You do not 'use' us, but You work through us as we yield to You. I am a slave only after I have surrendered every right of my own flesh. Only after I count myself dead to me and alive to You. Still though, there is a fleshly piece of me that remains and I cannot seem to uproot it. Another thought I keep having is one of 'I dont even want to be a part of what You are doing on the earth.' Why do I even entertain this type of thinking? I still wish some of what happened over the past 3 years was real. Like, I still am bothered Lord when I see You exalt those pure in heart and young in the faith, because I think how pure I was and how You never exalted me back then. Part of me feels like You have left me in the world's systems and provide for me and my family just enough to get by. It has felt like this whole time I have followed You was only for others to prosper off of my faithfulness. But honestly, what faithfulness do I even have that was not given from Your hand? You have upheld me. You have freed me from many bondages. You have continued to bless me despite me not being able to give my all. I thank You for all of these things. I thank You for always being near to me, even when I really went far off in my heart and head from You. You have loved me so well. Why do I forget so easily what You have done? Why can I not remember all of the times You pulled me out of a pit? Anyways Lord, I love You still. I know You have given me the blood and given me Your very own body. So, afresh I count myself dead to my flesh and alive to You. Will You work through me today? Will You let me see a piece of heaven today, and recognize it for what it really is? Will You keep me afloat, and help me capture those dark thoughts that I have? Will You bless those around me with Your love? I do love You, and cannot even be mad at You, because I know Your true heart. I know how You have love for the world and have died for us so that we can live. I yield today, Holy Spirit, to You. Please speak to me and remind me of all that I have forgotten. Thank you.

GENERALby Heath

1/11/2026, 2:42:34 PM

Prayer 0111

Lord, I still feel resistant to you. I am sorry for that. Can You soften my heart? Will You help me become completely submissive to Your will? I don’t know what it is. It’s like a piece of me is refusing to submit. I know it is best to go completely in. I understand You only want the best for me. So, Lord, I yield those parts of me that refuse to submit over to You. You are Lord and they are not. Help me follow You every day fully. I love You.

GENERALby Heath

1/9/2026, 5:37:06 PM

John 17 thoughts

v2 - "You gave Him [Jesus] authority over all flesh." I wonder if supernatural healing of others depends on how much authority we have over our own flesh? Like, think about it - Jesus denied his flesh completely, and the healings were always immediate, never failing. Yet, in my own life, I pray for someone who is sick, but don't have the control over my own flesh to stop eating for a few days, or to stop dipping, or to stop coffee, or to stop doom-scrolling, or to stop an anger outburst when my head is pounding. And I still wonder - "Why didn't anything happen Father!?" v3 - "This is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true God, and the One You have sent - Jesus Christ." One-way others come to know Him is through interaction with the saints who carry Jesus. If I want my kids to know Jesus, I must act, respond, and think like Jesus - not simply form them according to the rules of a religion. v4 - "I have glorified You on the earth by completing the work You gave Me to do." We glorify God by completing the work He has given us to do. We glorify Him when we do our jobs with excellence, when we raise our children without quitting half-way, when we love our wives in the same manner that He loved His bride, etc... v5 - "Now, Father, glorify Me in Your presence with that glory I had with You before the world existed." One thing I notice here is that Jesus is saying that the glory is something shared between Him and the Father - "with You". Also, it is in the Father's presence we are glorified - not apart from it. v7 - "Now they know that all things You have given to Me are from You." Lord, give me a revelation of this so that I do not act upon my own strength, but from Yours alone. v10 - "Everything I have is Yours, and everything You have is Mine" Father, give me this heart, so that I share everything with You. v11 - "I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world" It was His turn, now it's our turn. v15 - "I am not praying that You take them out of the world but that You protect them from the evil one." We have to go through the fires of life sometimes, because we are in the world, and it is for His glory that we continue on the path through the hard times. So, instead of praying to be delivered, we ought to persist with endurance and keep thanks on our lips for even the hardest of moments. v17 - "Sanctify them by the truth; Your word is truth." How are we sanctified? Through His word. v19 - "I sanctify Myself for them, so they also may be sanctified by the truth." He went before to give us strength to endure and be made holy. v21 - "May they all be one, as You, Father, are in Me and I am in You. May they also be one in Us, so the world may believe You sent me." This is mind-blowing. How Jesus asks the Father to make us one with Them. v22 - "I have given them the glory You have given Me. May they be one as We are one." If Jesus and the Father have glory between themselves, we have glory between each other as we become one with each other - not of the flesh, but of the Spirit. We have unity, have love, have faith for our brothers, and there abides His glory. v24" Father, I desire those You have given Me to be with Me where I am. Then they will see my glory..." His desire is for us to be with Him, completely in unity, completely one within the Godhead. v26 - "I made Your name known to them and will make it known, so the love You have loved Me with may be in them and I may be in them." Lord, thank you. Thank you for your love and how you have given it to me so freely. Let me love others the same way.

GENERALby Heath

1/8/2026, 1:54:27 AM

Thought

Why would I ever believe that drugs could give me more of God? Doesn’t He give Himself freely? Doesn’t He come to any person that cries out for His name? Doesn’t He come to the brokenhearted and downcast and those who are poor? Thank You Lord for this empowering thought. Will You continue to keep me on this path of sobriety? Keep me in Your love.

GENERALby Heath

1/7/2026, 3:35:46 PM

To Abe - Moments 03

I remember that drive, though there were many others like it. It is my habit to listen to worship music or soaking music (instrumental music that seems to help me pray clearly) on my drives to and from work. This day was no different. I was heading home from a long day of commissioning an oil site. This job lasted around 3 weeks straight of 12–15-hour days. The first week, I would take an edible shortly before heading home so that I could be high on the way home. It was affecting my ability to keep the job’s scope in mind, so I stopped this cycle around 4 days into the job. This happened to be around day 12 or so, so I had gone through the heated first days of withdrawal. The first days always brought pain. Yes, for me, but not just for me. They also brought pain to those closest to me. To my wife and sons, in the form of me lashing out in anger. Since I was working so much, they hardly felt it this time. I would simply come home and be too tired to lash out, and crash before I could do much damage. The days following the lash-outs turn into depression days. Days where care for what happens flees, where an empty void of pain remains, and I right in the middle of it. Maybe the only difference is that by day 3 or 4 of coming off weed, I accept the reality of persistent pain as something that I must sit in. So, I sat. As a creature of habit, I still worshipped on that drive home. It was all I really had to combat the overwhelming feelings. My beliefs, the ones that shape my inner world, were skewed after coming off the drug, so I knew I could not trust them. Instead, I had learned to trust Him and Him alone. He had fathered me before and today was no different. Those closest to me had left in my struggles – indeed, they had to. But He had never left. Not in the highest of highs and not in the lowest of lows. So, I worshipped even more. He was good despite the pain. He was perfect and still chose to sit in the pain with me. What a man. What a God. I remember surrendering afresh. Crying tears of not wanting to go back. I remember those hot tears running down my face – wanting to go back to the times before the pain ever existed. Times before the depression took me. Times before I had learned of the wickedness of the world. Times before my own actions condemned me. Yet in the surrender I knew that no matter how much I gave, it was up to Him and His grace to make it a reality. The worship music lingered in those moments as the road continued to take me to my home.

GENERALby Heath

1/7/2026, 3:34:31 PM

To Abe - Moments 02

I had already scared my wife so much that she left with the boys. I can’t remember what it was that did it this time, but I do remember her being very afraid. All I felt was joy. It was evening. My labrador was with me. This was an early event. One near the time they started that night I took LSD. Looking back, I would label it as HPPD – hallucinogen persisting perception disorder. I had been getting high on marijuana for years by this point. Two to be exact. I cannot remember if I had gotten fired yet or not. But after the LSD event, my mind had been altered, and every time I got high on weed afterwards, I would start to trip again. It was as if it had opened pathways that were not there before. I sensed it as if all the thought pathways that I had had in one 24-hour period expanded beyond what I could see, like branches on a tree, with the ending unable to be seen. Those pathways were new territory for my brain to explore, experience, and try to navigate. New areas for life to find meaning, for existence to make sense, for understanding to try to connect different branches together. When I got high, I could actively explore these pathways. When sober, I could remember my explorations. To me that was the bliss of it. Not the high experience alone. But the coming back down to reality and then setting off on the adventure again. My wife, a saint in every sense of the word, anchored me. Were it not for her, I would have stayed gone. She reminded me what was important. She protected the kids. She held our family together. She is the truest thing I have in this world. Remembering back to those times of depression that led to my drug use, makes me very sad with the ideas that my brain had generated. The worst idea that I had come up with – trying to figure out how to ease my pain – was to end my pain with death. But I could not figure out how to end my pain without causing greater pain in my wife and sons. The only solution that remained in my hurting mind was that I had to take their lives before I took my own. I wish I had not had that thought. I wish it were not the only solution to helping my current state of mind. But it was there. Looking back, I was too honest with her. She was hurting deeply within herself, and I had forgotten the pain she carried. Were I thinking clearly, believing clearly, I would have taken that thought captive as soon as I had it. But in that state of depression that was accompanied by a very real pain, which I could not then identify the source of, my thoughts waged war against myself. This was the reason for my drug use to begin with. Why did it have to hurt that bad? My wife would confide in her brother, Mikey, when I was out of my mind. Him being the only one who knew the situation. I do not know what he felt at the time, but I can imagine that he felt guilt. Guilt for bringing me the LSD. Guilt for letting this happen to his sister. And responsibility to try and make it right. I heard the garage door open and slam shut. He came in yelling at me. I went to the kitchen to meet him. Smiling because the pain was gone. That ever present, ever persistent pain – it was gone, and joy alone replaced it. I cannot remember the exact contents of the conversation that ensued. He yelled a lot, telling me how much I made my wife terrified by my actions. Telling me how he was protecting her from me killing her. Telling me to look at my actions and see how I was hurting her. Telling me to look at myself and how I was shaking, bobbing my torso up and down. He picked up a steak knife and held it overhead. I felt no fear. I felt only love towards him, and joy at being free in that moment. I knew also that he was not going to stab me. I could see the wheels spinning in his mind as he considered. I could see how he knew this would not truly protect her. I could see how unwilling he was to give up the rest of his life for one moment of anger. He paused. He then grabbed the half drank bottle of whiskey from above the stove and took a huge gulp and left. There are moments I remember from his rant. Not his words, but what he was doing with his body. He kept grabbing his phone to make sure the microphone was unobstructed by his pants. It seemed to me in my own mind that he was wanting some unseen watchers to be able to listen in to our conversation. In my mind, they already were.

GENERALby Heath

1/7/2026, 3:32:18 PM

To Abe - Moments 01

I woke up early. Waiting for my wife and kids to fall asleep – they always went to bed later than I did. I knew I had a good 10 hours until they woke up, and I knew my wife would look into my eyes to see my current state, and I knew I could not withstand her judgement. I ate the ‘magic mushroom’ bar as quickly as I could stomach it. I also knew better than to believe it was the real mushroom. These companies that supplied the head shops were out to make products as fast as possible and to be as legal as they could. So, they used a form of liquid DMT which they infused into some very bad tasting breakfast cereal chocolate bars. My stomach churned, wanting to upheave that foul flavor. I drank water and got my cigarillo ready for when the effects started to kick in. I would empty the tips of the cigars out and fill them with cannabis flower. I had enough experience by this point to know a good dose. My dosage went as follows: smoke enough to get as high as possible without coughing up my entire lungs. Weed always made me cough. There were a few times I remembered that it did not. And at those times I can also remember there being such a low high that it wasn’t worth the smoke. I sat on the white couch and doom-scrolled until the effects started to kick in. I always expected something different to happen than the last times, but the effects seemed to be mirror images of the last time, and times before that. I started to feel the effects. I knew this was the come-up stage. So, I sat my phone down and prayed. He really did love me. My pain disappeared as the effects increased. Oh God, the bliss. To know the One – and to be surrounded by His love. My mind still remembered the pain, and it made me hate the pain. “Why does this pain hide His goodness!? Why does this pain trap me in my current state!?”, I thought. I could still sense the come-up happening – but my mind wandered even still. It seems to wander increasingly as of late. Wandering from one understanding to the next. How does this system work? How does that system work? How do they work together? Oh, ok, I figured that part out, let me go onto something else of interest. So, I picked up my phone to scroll. That addiction still had me. The content was different than the usual content. Vastly. I had been high so many times, that I had developed the ability to think clearly even in the most intense of states. My wife would have argued otherwise. She could always tell when I was high. She said my catch phrase was, “That ain’t no joke!” Anytime she heard it, she knew. “It’s your tell!”, she had told me once. But, regardless, I could still use the functions of problem solving, noticing patterns, seeing differences from the normal. This was maybe a part of my addiction that seemed to help me. I didn’t get high always to ease the pain. Instead, I always attempted to try and notice patterns from that place. How did I think differently? How did it make me respond differently? Could there be a set pattern for different types of highs? Were some pure and others evil? Were they dependent on my mood? In what ways were they beneficial? In what ways did they hurt? I had almost a scientific approach to getting high. I could not tell you where it came from other than just wanting to know how it worked. I was seasoned by this point. So, I noticed the immediate difference in the content of my scrolling. Very quickly, as I scrolled through different reels and shorts, I began to see mediums. You know – the black lady fortune tellers. I could see their spirituality mostly aligning to that of Christ – speaking of many things I have heard preachers from the pulpit say. I could tell that these videos were not normal videos that appear on people’s pages. Instead, they were reposted from other platforms. You know the reposts that have the icons slightly inside of the actual app you are using’s icons? Some had several layers of icons. One lady I remember. She warned of Lot’s wife – looking back and turning into a pillar of salt. She said, “Don’t go back to the things of old!” I knew she was talking to me, and my attempt to look at how social media reels had been in the past. So, I put down my phone and went outside. I sat on my chair in the backyard. The night was cool, the air nice. My dogs – who also had the ability to sense when I was high, were wandering the backyard, doing their usual thing. I remember looking at my house. The grass that needed to be cut, the sidewalk that had been upheaved and repositioned after the sewer line repair, which I had been unable to get perfectly back into position and was about 3 inches off from center. The large glass panes that enclose my patio, one of which has a large crack and is dirty on the inside, unable to be wiped clean. The crooked blinds that I had put up to try and shield the harsh sun. The dog hair on the rug leading inside. All of it I took in. I sat in silence, feeling the presence of God. Knowing that He Himself was in me, and He had made it all perfect. Every little thing that I would hate for others to see while I was sober, was perfect at that moment. His presence made it that way. And I was one with Father Himself. His love was there, in me. Around me. Very present. He really did love me.

GENERALby Heath

1/6/2026, 2:31:28 PM

Daily Bread 0106

If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” ‭‭John‬ ‭15‬:‭10‬-‭12‬ Jesus tells me to keep His commandments and when reading this, I asked myself, “What are His commandments?” Then I kept reading and He made it simple - with only one commandment - love others as He loved them. Who did He love? The world. How did He love? He gave up everything for them. Could it be so simple? I don’t like complicated teachings about the gospel - because the gospel is for everyone, the simple minded included. It has to be this simple. Love others like Christ would love them.

GENERALby Heath

1/2/2026, 10:31:13 PM

By Faith

The passage in Hebrew 11:4 “By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain, through which he was commended as righteous, God commending him by accepting his gifts. And through his faith, though he died, he still speaks.” ‭ It makes me ponder on faith. Cain still had a measure of faith - faith that what he grew would please God. Faith that the strain or specimen of plant was the best he could fathom. Faith that the crop was the best he would see. Faith that his hands were able to produce the best. Yet Abel’s faith surpassed Cain’s. Abel knew that nothing he could do could come close to the works of God. He believed that his gift was insufficient. And so his faith rested in God’s ability in creation. So he chose with careful consideration a perfect lamb. He chose a perfect site where the sacrifice would take place. And he chose the choicest portion of the lamb - it’s very life through the lamb’s spilled blood. He didn’t try to give God cooked portions of the dead lamb. He gave God the life of the lamb - a from God and to God moment given back to the one who could give life and take life.

GENERALby Heath

12/30/2025, 2:35:05 PM

Nothing is impossible

Jesus is so clear - with God all things are possible. If we believe we will receive whatever we ask for in prayer. I just wonder what actually is possible? Yes, with pure motives and right heart posture - what could we accomplish? He can do all things.